Have you ever had a friend who just loved to see you lose? If you ever needed them in the bad moments, they’d rush to your side and play the empath for a while; but once you’re winning, they’re throwing shade and making negative comments to bring you down.
Having a friend or loved one who secretly wants to see you fail is one of the most disorienting experiences. You would never expect a loved one to prey on your downfall, but alas, many of our closest people do—and often without even realizing it themselves.
Visit milkshakeslot.com for more information.
“Tension develops in relationships when individuals experience jealousy, lack of self-confidence, insecurity, or a feeling of abandonment,” says Dr. Shannon Franklin, Licensed Psychologist of Element Q Healing. “The people with whom we have the greatest tendency to compare ourselves are our friends and/or family members. If an individual lacks confidence in his/her life choices, then he/she may feel as though another person’s successes are highlighting he/her inability to be successful.”
Whether a projection of insecurity or a hidden seed of resentment, this negativity can be detrimental to your overall well-being. Energy is real, and when your closest people are undermining or sabotaging your success, you’re bound to feel it.
However, it’s not always easy to catch these “friends” in the act. Dr. Franklin shares signs your friend secretly wants you to fail—and some potential reasons why.
1. They Downplay Your Achievements
A true friend will celebrate even the smallest of milestones, hyping you up for all your hard work. On the other hand, a jealous friend might try to dismiss your progress.
“A frequent indicator that you are being emotionally sabotaged is when people continuously downplay your achievements,” says Dr. Franklin. “They will celebrate your advancement; however, they will soon focus on why this achievement is not as significant an event. The motivation for minimizing your success may be that your advancement makes them feel inferior or like they are losing ground in comparison to you.”
2. They Seem Disappointed When Things Go Well For You
I once had a friend who, any time I’d share a new achievement, would scoff and say, “You’re so lucky” and “I wish I could do that.” Meanwhile, I had been connecting them with multiple opportunities and speaking highly of them in crowded rooms. Unfortunately, I learned (the hard way) that my success was a trigger for them.
“A person who is likely envious of your success will act as if they are unhappy for you when something positive happens in your life,” says Dr. Franklin. “Friends that care about you will be supportive and celebrate with you. People who don’t have confidence in themselves will typically show their jealousy through apathy and disinterest in sharing positive experiences.”
3. They Offer Discouragement Disguised as Concern
Be wary of the “concerned friend” who attempts to talk you out of opportunities.
“These individuals may regularly tell you why something will not work or why you should lower your expectations,” says Dr. Franklin. “While constructive feedback is healthy, repeated negativity can reveal an underlying desire to see you remain where you are rather than succeed.”
According to Dr. Franklin, they might insert unnecessary doubts or criticisms to intentionally sway you.
“At first these seem like harmless things that people say; however, after a while they can slowly erode the confidence in what you are doing,” she explains. “The goal of this may be to slow down your pace, or dampen your enthusiasm for the opportunity.”
4. They Harp on Your Mistakes More Than Your Wins
Have you ever had a friend who seemed to find pleasure in your failure or pain? It’s not always easy to recognize at first, but when you begin to notice it, it becomes impossible to ignore.
“The same person who will enthusiastically discuss your problems/losses/etc., often seems unenthusiastic to celebrate with you about your successes,” Dr. Franklin points out. “If the balance of their responses is heavily weighted towards negativity, then they have likely developed feelings of resentment or possibly some form of competitiveness.”
5. They Compare Themselves to You Constantly
Constant comparison pits friends against one another. A friend who views you as competition is likely not one who will celebrate your success.
“When each person in a friendship is able to develop as an individual, it fosters healthy relationships,” says Dr. Franklin. “A person who constantly compares themselves with your progress may feel like a failure or be unable to compete when you obtain something she/he has not. The continuous measuring of oneself based on another will foster negative emotions and behaviors.”
The post 5 Signs Your Friend Secretly Wants You to Fail, According to a Psychologist appeared first on VICE.