This is a trend? The Alpine Divorce? When a man abandons his girlfriend and his relationship mid-hike? This sounds like a cutesy name for something genuinely alarming! Here are some other trends that might be coming next.
Alpine Divorce, Hannibal Edition: When you leave your significant other in the Alps on foot but you yourself ride across them on an elephant.
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Catiline Divorce: When you end your relationship by constantly denouncing your significant other for conspiring to overthrow the consuls.
Madeline Divorce: When you end your relationship by getting an appendectomy suddenly in the middle of the night with the assistance of Miss Clavel.
Feline Divorce: When you end your relationship by spitting a hair ball onto your significant other, devouring his favorite fern, and shredding the drapes with your claws.
Equine Divorce: When you end your relationship by pretending to sail home for Greece, leaving in your stead an enormous wooden horse. What’s inside? Probably nothing!
Vine Divorce: When you end your relationship via a seven-second video loop.
Valjean Divorce: When you end your relationship by stealing some bread, being sentenced to the galleys, breaking your parole, and living under an assumed name for 20 years.
Arctic Divorce: When you end your relationship by leaving your significant other warmly ensconced in the tent, announcing, “I am going outside and may be some time.”
Maritime Divorce: When you end your relationship by going to sea in pursuit of the white whale that has eluded you all this time.
Bovine Divorce: When you end your relationship by tipping a cow onto your significant other.
Lupine Divorce: When you end your relationship by leaving your significant other to the wolves.
Cisalpine Divorce: When you end your relationship by leaving your significant other on the Alps, but on the same side of the Alps.
Sweet Caroline Divorce: When you end your relationship by leaving your significant other in the Alps with nothing but a complete six-CD set of Neal Diamond’s greatest hits.
Palpatine Divorce: When, somehow, Palpatine returns, and this ends your relationship.
Punch-Line Divorce: When you end your relationship with just the setup.